Pirate Jokes

Pirate Jokes

Pirate Jokes To Cheer Someone Up

It’s time to wear an eye patch and get ready for the best pirate jokes. We guarantee that you’ll laugh way too hard at these jokes.

Self Destruction

A pirate docks his ship at the very well known port after a long summer out to the ocean. He walks around his most loved bar and welcomes the bartender. The bartender was astonished to see the pirate with a wooden leg, a sparkly new hook and a shiny leather eye patch. Mouth agape, the barkeep, says, “What the heck happened to you mate?”

To which the pirate reacted, “Well… around two weeks out we recognized a rival pirate ship around 50 yards there. We chose it wasn’t a decent time for the fight to come and attempted to evade the conflict, however, they let free a couple of cannonballs, and one of them hit me leg.”

“That is unpleasant, mate…” ringed in the barkeep. “Shouldn’t something be said about your hand?”

“Me hand?” The pirate said. “All things considered, not five weeks back we kept running into the blighters once more. This time, we chose to take our revenge and move in for the fight to come. I lost me great hand in a sword battle, however regardless, I ran the fellow through.”

“All things considered, I’m happy you got your revenge…. it’s too terrible about your hand, though…” Said the barkeep thoughtfully. “…and the eye?”

“Goodness… me poor old’ eye… soon after that there fight I admired get a reading on the climate, and a confounding pigeon took a thud in me eye!”

The barkeep was surprised… “A bit o’ winged creature droppings made you lose yer eye!?”

“No, no…” reacted the privateer. “T’was me first day with me new hook…”


Captain Red-shirt was the commander of a pirate ship. One day, he was cruising when his first mate kept running up and said, “Captain Red-shirt, Captain Red-shirt! There are two foe ships coming at us! What if we?” Captain Red-shirt replied, “Plan for the fight to come and get my red shirt!” They struggled, and Captain Red-shirt’s team won.

After a couple of days, the first mate came racing to Captain Red-shirt and said, “Chief Red-shirt, Captain Red-shirt! There are ten foe ships coming at us! What if we?” Captain Red-shirt answered, “Get ready for the fight to come, and bring me my red shirt!” The ships start fight, and in the long run Captain Red-shirt’s ship won.

A couple of weeks after the fact, the first mate came racing to Captain Red-shirt once more. “Chief Red-shirt! Chief Red-shirt! There are 50 foe ships coming! What if we?” Captain Red-shirt answered, “Get ready for the fight and present me my red shirt!” After a long fight, Captain Red-shirt’s ship won the fight. That night after the fight, the first mate came up to Captain Red-shirt and said, “Why is it that when we go into the fight, you request your red shirt?” Captain Red-shirt answered, “If I somehow happened to get hurt in the fight, my red shirt would camouflage the blood, and everybody will continue battling dauntlessly. If they see that I am harmed, they will lose certainty.” The first mate said that that was a smart thought.

After few months, the first mate keeps running up to Captain Red-shirt. “Captain Red-shirt! Captain Red-shirt! There are 1000 foe ships coming at us! What if we?” Captain Red-shirt answered, “Get ready for the fight, and get my brown pants!”

The Driver

A pirate strolls into a bar and he has a ship’s wheel stick standing out of his pants. He strolls up to the barkeep and says “I want a beer please”

The barkeep says “Hey, why do you have put a ship’s wheel in your pants?”

Pirate says, “Yeah, it’s driving me nuts arrrggghh”

Genie And The Pirate

Once upon a time a pirate and his parrot, were unfastened in a lifeboat taking after a sensational getaway from a valiant fight. While scrounging through the pontoon’s procurement, the pirate founds an old lamp. Furtively trusting that a Genie would show up, he rubbed the lamp vivaciously. To the astonishment of the castaways, a Genie approached. This specific Genie, on the other hand, expressed that he could just convey one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any idea to the matter the pirate exclaimed, “Make the whole sea into rum!” The Genie blows a whistle, and quickly the whole ocean transformed into the finest rum ever tested by mortals. At the same time, the Genie vanished. Just the delicate lapping of rum on the frame broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot took a gander at the pirate and after a pressure filled minute spoke: “Now you’ve done it!! Presently we’re goon to need to pee in the boat.”

Give us your worst pirate jokes. We need some new ones!

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