Atheist Jokes

Atheist Jokes

Funny Atheist Jokes About Religion And God

This page shares the best funny atheist jokes you could ever find on the internet.

Thanks God

An atheist was swimming in the sea. Suddenly he sees this shark in the water, so he begins swimming towards the boat.

As he thinks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a route off, and he begins swimming like there’s no tomorrow. He’s frightened to death, and as he swings to see the jaws of the considerable white monster open uncovering its teeth in a horrendous wonder, the atheist shouts, “Gracious God! Spare me!”

In a moment, time is solidified, and a splendid light sparkles down from above. The man hears the voice of God while he’s in the water. God says, “You are a non-believer. You have no faith in God, but still you call upon me when you don’t have confidence in me?”

Startled with disarray and knowing he can’t lie the man answers, “Well, that is true I don’t have faith in you, however, what about the shark? Will you make the shark have faith in you?”

The Lord answers, “As you wish,” and the light was withdrawn once more into the sky and the man could feel the water start to move by and by.

As the non-believer thinks back, he can see the jaws of the shark begin to shut down on him, suddenly the shark stops and pulls back.

Stunned, the man takes a gander at the shark as the colossal monster bows its head and says, “Thank you, Lord, for this sustenance for which I am going to receive…”

Smart Genie

An atheist purchases an ancient lamp from an old shop, takes it home, and starts to clean it.

Suddenly, a genie shows up, and says, “I’ll give you three wishes, Master.”

The nonbeliever says, “I wish I could have faith in you.”

The genie snaps his fingers, and all of a sudden the atheist have faith in him.

The atheist says, “Amazing. I wish all nonbelievers would trust this.”

The genie snaps his fingers once more, and abruptly atheist everywhere throughout the world start to have faith in genies.

“Shouldn’t something be said about your third wish?” asks the genie.

“Well,” says the nonbeliever, “I need money and billion of dollars.”

The genie snaps his fingers and creates a sharp cracking sound for a third time. However nothing happens.

“What’s wrong?” asks the atheist.

The genie shrugs and says, “Only because you have faith in me, doesn’t fundamentally imply that I truly exist.

Have Faith

An atheist is sitting in a paddle boat in the center of a lake, angling gently and tending to his personal concerns.

Suddenly, a purple three-took mythical beast appears off of the lake and grabs up the boat in its huge jaws.

The atheist yells “Goodness God, help me!”

The entire scene solidifies mid-edge, and a blasting voice comes off the sky.

“Why would it be a good idea for me to help you when you didn’t have faith in me?”

The atheist says, “Come on. Earlier I didn’t believe that purple three-headed mythical serpents exist.”


An Atheist kicks dies, shockingly, discovers himself met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter audits the man’s record and lets him know, “Well, despite the fact that you didn’t trust in any gods, you drove a decent, moral life. It is particularly great that you did as such without expecting any everlasting prize. So we are going to give you access to Heaven.”

St. Peter then allocates an angel to take the Atheist on an influence visit. Amid the visit, the Atheist sees Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, different Atheists, and individuals of all religions. He likewise sees a high wall in a far corner of Heaven.

At the point when the visit closes, the Angel inquires as to whether he has any inquiries. The man asks, “What’s behind the wall in the corner?”

The angel answers, “That is the place we put the Christians. They believe they’re the only individuals up here.”

Problem Solved

In Era of The French Revolution A Christian, a Jew, and an atheist were standing in line for execution.

The Christian is to begin with, and he sets down on the guillotine. Prior to the killer pulls the lever he yells, “My God will spare me!”. The lever is pulled, and the sharp edge swooshes down, halting barely shy of his neck. The executioner, trusting a marvel of God has happened, figures he can’t murder this man, as so sets him free.

The Jew sets down on the guillotine. Like the Christian, he yells, “My God will spare me!”. The lever is pulled, and the cutting edge falls, and at the end of the day it stops barely shy of his neck. The executioner, once more, trusts God is on this current man’s side and releases him.

At long last, the atheist sets down on the guillotine. He looks at the guillotine, discovers a stone in the rigging’s, and says to the killer, “Well here’s your problem…”

The good? They’re a period and a spot for suspicion.

If you know any good atheist jokes, then feel free to post it in the comments.

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