Chuck Norris Jokes
This page shares very funny Chuck Norris jokes. We hope that you’ll enjoy Chuck Norris funny facts and jokes.
When Chuck Norris was nibbled by a cobra, following five days of extreme suffering, the Cobra lost his life.
Chuck Norris sold his spirit to the Satan for his sturdy good looks and exceptional martial arts skill. Soon after the deal was settled, Chuck roundhouse kicked the Satan in the face and won his soul back. The Satan, who likes irony, couldn’t stay mad and agreed he should have noticed it coming. Now they both play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Little Red Riding Hood was terrified of the Big Bad Wolf, but the Big Bad Wolf was scared of Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris just slept two times in his entire life. You know what occurred when he slept those two times?
World War I and World War II.
Chuck Norris created a time machine and traveled back in time to stop the JFK murder. While Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, diverting them. JFK’s head popped out of sheer amazement.
A blind man once walked on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck responded, “Don’t you recognize who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The casual mention of his name healed this man blindness. Wistfully the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a lethal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris created Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever notices the twelfth component: Fear.
A handicapped parking symbol does not mean that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a notice that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris, and if you park there, you will be handicapped.
Chuck Norris is so quick, he can run throughout the world and hit himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he appears to misspell a word, Oxford will just change the original spelling of it.
Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee were fighting each other, when Bruce questions, ‘Hey Chuck, why are you so ugly?’ Chuck replied, ‘Mostly because your foot is regularly in my face.
Most men feel alright with their ladies fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex because they are doing the same thing.
Chuck Norris toured China. All girls within a 500-mile radius immediately became pregnant.
When Chuck Norris dives into the water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris nearly turned down the cameo role in the film Dodgeball. Because Chuck Norris doesn’t dodge balls, he favors them resting on his chin.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris didn’t acquire his legendary roundhouse kick from Bruce Lee. It’s simply Chuck Norris jumping & twisting in a vain attempt to unbunched his panties from his butt.
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