Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes

If you’re a happy father and want to make your kid’s smile, then these dad jokes are perfect for you to make them giggle.. By the way, you don’t have to be a father to tell dad jokes. Feel free to share jokes about dad.

  • A companion of mine once taught kindergarten. He asked the kids what Mom’s and Dad’s did. The solutions for Mom’s were all different. The solution for Dad’s was all the same “Drink Beer.”
  • “Dad, I’m hungry.”
    “Hi hungry, I’m a dad.”
  • My ex’s father and I were sitting in front of the TV around evening time once, and that porn-ish advertisement came. It advertised a collection of swimsuit-clad ladies with the title “Hot Russian Babes, ” and I swung to him and said
    “What precisely makes them Russian?”

    He answered with

    “Maybe they’re in a hurry!”

  • Your dad is so fat that every time he turns around, it’s his birthday.
  • Your dad is so fat that he’s all over the place.
  • Your dad is so ugly that when he was born the doctor slapped his mama.

 

  • A teenage kid had recently gotten his driver’s license and asked his father if they could talk about his use of the car. His dad said he’d make an arrangement with his son. ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, concentrate on your Bible a bit and get your hair style. At that point, we’ll discuss the auto.’
    The kid thought about that for a minute, chose he’d settle for the offer, and they conceded to it. After around six weeks his dad said, ‘Child, you’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve watched that you have been contemplating your Bible, yet I’m frustrated you haven’t gotten your hair style.’

    The kid said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been considering that and I’ve seen in my investigations of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair … what’s more, there’s even strong confirmation that Jesus had long hair.’

    To this, his dad answered, ‘Did you also see they all walked everywhere they went?

  • It is 1960, and a secondary school fellow appears at his sweetheart’s home to lift her up for the school dance. Her dad welcomes him in.
    “Susie’s as yet getting prepared, so go ahead in and we can visit a bit. Say, would you say you are two children going to screw today evening time?”

    “W-what’d you say, sir? I, um, ulp, would never, uh…”

    “Goodness, go ahead, you don’t need to imagine you don’t screw. I know all you children are doing it. Susie simply adores screwing!”

    “Uh, s-she does?”

    “Without a doubt! Why she’d screw throughout the night on the off chance that we’d let her. It’s fun, its high activity. I likely shouldn’t let you know this. However, her mom and I like to screw, as well. We do it in private where nobody can see us, obviously. Susie appears to like a group of people when she screws! It truly makes them go! Indeed, I figure she’s prepared.”

    Susie comes jumping down the stairs, welcomes her sweetheart, and they rapidly take off in his auto. Around five minutes after the fact, the auto pulls up, the entryway pummels, and Susie tempests once again into the house.

    “Damn it, Dad, I’ve let you know again and again. It’s called The Twist!”

  • Son: “Dad, we’re learning about prisms at school, they’re fascinating.”
    Dad: “That’s good son, because, as a dyslexic black boy, you’re bound to end up in one.
    A boy returns home from school and says “Dad, I’ve got a section in the school play presently who’s been married for a long time.”
    His Dad answers “It doesn’t mind child, possibly next time you’ll get a talking part!”

 

  • A boy asks his Dad, “What is politics?”
    Dad says, “Well child, let me attempt to clarify it in this way:

    I’m the leader of the family, so call me the President.

    Your Mother is the director of the cash, so call her the Government.

    We’re here to deal with your needs, so we’ll call you the People.

    The Nanny, we’ll consider the Working Class.

    Also, your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.

    Presently consider that and check whether it bodes well.”

    So the young man goes off to bed considering what Dad has said.

    Soon after that, he hears his little brother crying, so he gets up to check him. He finds that the infant has severely dirtied his diaper.

    So the young man goes to his guardians’ room and discovers his Mother sound snoozing. Not having any desire to wake her, he goes to the Nanny’s room. Finding her entryway bolted, he looks in the keyhole and sees his Father in bed with the Nanny. He surrenders and backpedals to bed.

    The following morning the young man says to his dad, “Dad, I think I comprehend the ideas of governmental issues now.”

    The father says, “Great, child, let me know in your words what you ponder.”

    The young man answers, “The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound snoozing. The People are being overlooked, and the Future is in deep shit.”

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