Mormon Jokes

Mormon Jokes

Funny Hilarious Mormon Jokes

A collection of nonstop funny and hilarious mormon jokes you could ever find on the internet. Having a religion doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Feel free to share these jokes with your mormon friends.

Q: What does a BYU co-ed do when a rated R movie comes on?
A: “Pulls up her panties and goes home.”

Q: Jews don’t recognize Jesus, Catholics don’t recognize divorce…what do Mormons not recognize?
A: Each other in the liquor store.

Q: How do you know you’re at a Mormon wedding?
A: Because the bride is a virgin, and her mom is pregnant.

Q: Why do you always take 2 Mormons with you when you go fishing?
A: If you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer.

Q: What do you call an alcoholic Mormon?
A: An oxymormon.

Q: What do you call a woman who is half-Mormon, half-Jewish?
A: A polygamist who hates sex.

Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least six: One to change the light bulb; one to deny that there was any change made; one to say that we shouldn’t focus on the change–only the need for light; one to say we don’t teach that the light bulb needed changing in the first place; one to say that the changer was acting for himself and not as an official changer; and one to say “who cares who changed the bulb, don’t you feel the burning of the light?

A guy dies, goes to heaven, and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter shows the guy around. They walk down a long hallway, stopping at each door to look inside. At each door, St. Peter points out who is inside. “Here are the Catholics, here are the Jews, here are the Muslims,” and so on, each room is full of celebration. At the end of a very long hall, they come to a single door at the end. “Here,” St. Peter whispers, “are the Mormons.” Inside the room is a group of people reverently sitting in silence. “Why are you whispering?” the man asks. “Because they think they’re the only ones here.

One Sunday immediately after church meetings, a member of the ward, Brother Wilson, makes an urgent appointment with the Bishop. Once inside the Bishop’s office, he starts sobbing.
The Bishop startled, says “Brother Wilson, what’s wrong?”
“I just found out, my oldest son is gay and he’s leaving his wife. They were married in the temple and have four children”.
The Bishop tries to comfort him, but he’s inconsolable.
The next Sunday, Brother Wilson again asks to urgently meet with the Bishop.
Once in his office, the Bishop asks how he is coping with his gay son.
Brother Wilson bursts into sobs and says “It’s worse! my middle son has now also come out as gay! He’s also married and has three children”.
The Bishop tries to pray with him and console him but it’s little use.
The next Sunday, again the Bishop is requested to urgently meet with him.
Before the Bishop can even fully close the door, he starts sobbing.
The Bishop in exasperation says “Oh, Brother Wilson! isn’t anybody in your family attracted to women?”
Brother Wilson looks up and sobs, “My wife, she’s just told me!”

The young Mormon lad was nervous on his wedding night to finally be alone with his bride. So he called home from the hotel to get some guidance.
His father tried to explain that nature should take its course, but it was clear the RM was full of anxiety and stress.
Finally, his exasperated father said, “SON! Just get your favorite toy and stick it where she pees!”
The son called back in a few minutes and said,
“Okay Dad, my bowling ball is in the toilet, now what?”

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