Police Jokes

Police Jokes

Welcome to the best collection of police jokes you could ever find on the internet.

Police Jokes Funny As Hell

Running Experts

Following a week of anguishing physical training, police foundation cadets still hadn’t been admitted to the firing range. “I don’t get it,” huffed one student to another as they hammered out yet another five-mile run. “What do you mean?” “Regardless we don’t know how to secure people and property, yet we’re getting great at fleeing.”


This gentleman was pulled over for running a stop sign. At the point when the cop checked the man’s driver’s license, he said, “You’re wearing glasses on your ID, and you’re not currently. I must give you a ticket.”

The gentleman said, “Officer, I have contacts.”

The cop said, “Look, pal, I couldn’t care less who you know, … I’m giving you a ticket.”


A fellow was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He moved down his window and said to the officer,

“Is there an issue, Officer?”

“There’s no issue at all. I simply watched your safe driving and am satisfied to grant you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congrats. What do you believe you’re going to do with the cash?”

The driver thought for a moment and said, “Well, I figure I’ll get that drivers’ license.” The woman sitting in the traveler seat said to the policeman, “Gracious, don’t pay consideration on him – he’s a smart ass when he’s stoned and drunk.” The gentleman from the rear seat said, “I TOLD you folks we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”

Right then and there, there was a thump from the trunk and a stifled voice said, “Would we say we are over the border yet?”

A Demonstration

2:00 a.m. what’s more, the road was left, so as the man pulls up to the red light he checks out all ways and seeing nobody he moves on through it. He is pulled over, and he says to the cop truly officer? Nobody is around I backed off and looked, no one was coming so I just went. No mischief was done. The officer said I can demonstrate to you the distinction effectively, step out of the car if you don’t mind, and possibly you won’t get a ticket. Enthusiastically he ventured out, and the officer continues to beat him with his nightstick, and says, “Now sir would you like me to back off.. alternately stop.

Get Out

A man was applying for an occupation as a jail watch. The superintendent said, Now these are genuine extreme folks in here. Can you deal with it? No problem, the candidate answered,

If they don’t carry on, out they go!


A man goes to the police headquarters wanting to have a word with the criminal who broke into his home the prior night. ‘You’ll have a chance in court,’ says the sergeant.

‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I need to know how he got into the house without waking up my wife. I’ve been attempting to do that for many years!’

Lazy Ass

A man strolls into a pet store where a few monkeys are accessible for purchase. He sees that the cost of the monkeys fluctuates broadly. He gets some information about the minimum costly monkey. “That, sir, is an exceptionally trained patrol monkey. He can take reports, make captures, suppress unsettling influences, and intervene debate.”

“That is extremely amazing. Why is the one beside him quite a lot more costly?”

“That is a detective monkey. That monkey is prepared to process and assess proof, conduct cross-examinations, compose and serve court orders, and create complex cases for indictment.”

“Goodness. What about the one beside him? That one is double the cost of the analyst monkey.”

“That is a sergeant monkey. He directs alternate monkeys, affirms their reports, prompts them when they aren’t certain what to do, and quiets subjects who need to gripe about the work of alternate monkeys.”

“Alright, I’m truly inquisitive about this one at the end. He costs more than the various monkeys set up together. What does he do?”

“That is a lieutenant monkey. He should be fit for astounding things, yet all I’ve ever seen him do is stay there and play with himself.”

Hope you’ve enjoyed. These were the best collection of police jokes on the Internet.

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