Russian Jokes

Russian Jokes

Funny Russian Jokes

The best collection of funny Russian jokes you could ever find on the internet. These jokes about Russians will make you laugh so hard.

Professinals

The CIA, The KGB and The FBI are all attempting to demonstrate that they are the best at catching lawbreakers. The President chooses to give them a test. He discharges a rabbit into a forest, and each of them needs to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They put animal spies all through the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. Following three months of broad examinations, they declare that rabbits don’t exist.

The FBI goes in. Following two weeks without any leads they smolder the forest, slaughtering everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no statements of regret. The rabbit made them come.

The KGB goes in. They turn out two hours after the fact with a severely beaten bear. The bear is shouting: “Alright! Alright! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

Thief

An American man and a Soviet man got killed on the same day and went to Hell together. The Devil let them know: “You may enter two unique sorts of Hells: the first one is the American-style hell, where you may do anything you like, however at the state of eating a bucketful of  manure   regularly; the second is the Soviet-style, where you might ALSO do anything you like, yet at the state of eating TWO bucketfuls of manure  a day.” The American man picked the American-style Hell, and the Soviet man picked the Soviet-style one. A couple of months after the fact, they met once more. The Soviet man asked the American man: “Hey, how are you going?” The American man said:"I’m fine. However, I can’t stand the bucketful of manure a day. You should?” Answered the Soviet man: “Well, I’m fine, as well; except I don’t know whether we had a deficiency of manure or if some person stole every one of the buckets away.

Genius

At the point when NASA astronauts figured out that a pen didn’t write in space, Americans burned through five months, 200 million $ and made a pen that could be utilized for writing in space.

Russian cosmonauts composed with the assistance of pencils.

Double Trouble

Khrushchev’s once went to a pig ranch. The local Pravda office was solicited to distribute the photographs from the visit. The editorial manager couldn’t think about a suitable subtitle for the photograph “Comrade Khrushchev with pigs”, “Pigs with Comrade Khrushchev”, nothing sounded right. At last he titled it “Comrade  Khrushchev-Third from the left.”

Appreciation

At a May Day parade, an exceptionally old Jew conveys a trademark, “Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my delightful and happy childhood!”

The Party agent approaches the old man. “What’s that? It is safe to say that you are ridiculing our Party? Everyone can see, when you were a youngster, comrade Stalin was not yet born!”

“That is correctly what I’m appreciative of him for!” the Jew said.

Who’s The Bravest

A Russian, a Frenchman and an American contended who was the most daring man. The American said, “For instance, we take ten cars of which one has no brakes. We toss dice, each of us gets a car; we drive on a mountain street. A short time later one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him there.”

“That is nothing,” the Frenchman said. “We pick ten young ladies, and one of them has AIDS. We toss dice and every one of us gets a young lady, and we have intercourse to them for the duration of the night. After that one of us is in a hospital, and the other nine visit him.”

The Russian said, “All of us gather in a house, despite the fact that we realize that one of us must be an informer. We tell political jokes for the duration of the night, and after that nine are in prison, and one visits the nine there.”

Last But Not Least

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are cast away on an abandoned island. They discover a bottle, and when they touch it, a genie turns out.

“I will allow each of both of you wishes, you can wish for whatever you need,” says the genie.

The American says, “I need to be the wealthiest man on the planet, and I need to go back to the USA”. The genie snaps his fingers, and the American comes back to the USA, his financial balance brimming with cash.

The Frenchman says, “I need all the beautiful women, and I need to backtrack to France”. The genie snaps his fingers, and the Frenchman is come back to France, surrounded by sexy ladies.

The Russian says, “Wow, it’s getting quite boring here, give me a container of vodka and those two back to the island”.

You may also like!

Little Johnny Jokes Dirty

Marriage Jokes

Police Jokes

Mormon Jokes
Fathers Day Jokes